A few weeks ago, we shared a link from Reddit’s AmITheA**hole subreddit about a woman wanting to know if she was in the wrong for snapping at her husband over her snoring. While that post was somewhere between annoying and funny, this one is pretty heartbreaking.
In this post, the redditor in question, u/povao, wants to know if she’s in the wrong for sleeping in a different room than her husband due to his chronic snoring. Reading between the lines, you can tell she would really prefer to sleep in the same room as her husband. But her own health is suffering. She was hospitalized before Christmas, and she has multiple sclerosis and is on disability. And as they have two children, she needs to be firing on all cylinders as much as possible.
So when asked by OP to see a doctor to seek treatment, how does the husband respond? He sidesteps the question, promises to call a doctor but never does, and generally just doesn’t want to deal with the issue.
Well, while he might not want to deal with the problem, OP has been dealing with it every…single…day for the last few years. And as a mother and one suffering from chronic pain, she’s just had enough of being woken up multiple times every night when her husband starts doubling as a chainsaw.
As you might imagine, redditors are piling on the husband in the comment thread, confirming almost in unison that OP is not in the wrong. But as a clinic that specializes in treating obstructive sleep apnea, here’s what we would say to the husband.
It’s a generally accepted principle of life that your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins. It would be one thing if you were the only one negatively impacted by your particular case of sleep apnea. But you are not. Your wife is also suffering badly due to your chronic snoring. And indirectly, so are your children.
Look, obstructive sleep apnea is really unpleasant. (There’s a reason Dr. Krish left a career in dentistry to specialize in treating it.) But you are responsible for your own health. And given that this particular condition is depriving your wife of fifteen years – who says this is one of the biggest issues she’s faced in your marriage – of a good night’s sleep, it lands on you to find suitable treatment.
Source: AITA for not wanting to sleep in the same bed as my husband? (Reddit)
Reddit aficionados may know something of r/AmITheA**hole, a subreddit where users can go and get feedback as whether they were in the wrong in a particular disagreement or argument. Last week, a redditor asked if she was off base for telling her husband not to wake her up…because of her snoring.
She made it clear that she dislikes being woken up, even if she’s snoring. She went so far as to disclose that she has informed him, repeatedly over the years, that she does not want him to wake her up because she won’t be able to get back to sleep. And then there was this showstopper:
I do not want to sleep separately all the time just because of it, but he is welcome to go sleep on the couch if he wakes up because of my snoring (probably AH-ish on my part).
Sleeping on the couch for thee, but not for me? Wow. Just wow.
As you might imagine, redditors had a field day with this post. Here are a few of the sparklier gems from the comment thread:
So you waking him up by snoring is ok though? I think YTA
So it’s an issue and you snap when he wakes you up because you snore but it’s 100% ok to wake him up because…you…snore?
How is that fair OP? You know you snore but your husband has to be punished more?
Oh, the entitlement here. Synopsis: I can snore and do nothing about it, even thou it’s a huge sign that something is wrong with my breathing, but it’s not okay for my husband to wake me up to reset my issue, even though I can wake wake him up endlessly. YTA, duh.
If he is waking you up because you are snoring then you are missing the fact that you woke him up first with your snoring. So, to turn your argument on its head he has every right to wake you up because he can’t sleep with you snoring.
You need to talk to your doctor about you snoring. You could have sleep apnea or some other underlying condition that could be treated (maybe your adenoids need to come out). Also apologize to your husband for waking him up because you snore.
Nobody wants to spend their entire adult life *not* getting a good nights sleep because their partner snores so much, and then being told they’re an a**hole when they try to address it. Have you considered that your husband is trying to cause you some discomfort in order to incentivize you to solve the problem? You say it’s been years that this has been an issue so to me that sounds like he’s tried to address it the “mature” way, and you just aren’t doing anything about it so at this point, what else is he supposed to do?
Fortunately, several other redditors chimed in with the suggestion that the woman who posted (“original poster,” or OP in Reddit slang) is suffering from sleep apnea and could probably benefit from a sleep study. Hopefully she seeks treatment soon so that she – and her husband – can get back to a good night’s sleep.